It is not okay to call me a Malawun anymore.

I was born in a Hindu family,and therefore I am a Hindu by birth. Religious belief aside, I truly am a member of the Hindu community. And I should not be ashamed of that. But maybe I have been. Maybe I have been trying to hide my communal identity all of my life. I did not realize this till I got admitted to Howard University and took the Composition for Honors-class. Because the title for the course is-the mattering of Black lives. Due to the nature of the title,we went on deep analysis of racism and the Black experience in America. I have come to know the tendency of some African-Americans to try to blend into the society and forsaking their cultural and racial identity for doing so.

Man is a political animal-as said by Aristotle and politics is an art of compromise. Which means you must either compromise your cultural identity to blend into the mainstream,or you must forsake it. You must laugh along with the others in their micro-aggressive jokes. You must act like you never heard the hateful names they call your people and you to be precise. You must join in the ridicule of your own community if you want to be a part of the band of the jokers. The elite,the many, the 'Majority'-that's who we want to be.

I mocked my own religious practices a thousands of times. Some of which I would protect if it were not my own religion because I believe that you should respect someone else's belief even when you yourself disbelief or even despise it. But I joined in the mockery. I mocked it even more to make them feel less awkward about mocking my community. I took great pride in the fact that I did not act Hindu,I did not look Hindu and I did not talk Hindu. I thought it was a great success that I did not know when my religious festivals were and I did not care what my religious rituals were. Because that is when my friends and loved ones(who were non-Hindus in most cases) would feel most at home with me. I had forsaken myself to be one of the other.

That is when I made myself-the other.

The American Negro is one of the most oppressed people of the world. And the journey of the American Negro from the plantations to the White House is a benchmark of minorities all over the world. It is the Black Americans that prove that there is some fare ground and some scope for ‘pursuit of happiness’ left in the American society. And the societal bond of the American Black community is the true mother of that achievement. In my short acquaintance with the black community, I have seen the way microaggression is addressed and fought against-and I know that it is remarkable. I say this because I have seen minorities hide behind their illusion of safety and resigning to the status quo. I say this because I myself had resigned in the status quo and the American Black community awakened me.

It’s the N-word, the word that sparks immediate anger among the Blacks of America that caught my mind. It hung on for days. At times I thought it was an overreaction but as soon as I found out about the past of the word, I found out the symbolism of the word as an embodiment of oppression and torture. I too started to despise the word.

Maybe that is when one of my close ones called me ‘Malawun’. It is an Arabic word that means the cursed. Some extremist terrorists use the word to describe Hindus. And this is how they legitimized the mass slaughter of Hindus during the Liberation war of Bangladesh.   

I was going to laugh at her remark. Maybe I was going to make another additional joke to make her mockery stronger and then I stopped. I realized that how weak I am as member of my community. I realized that I was afraid of my own identity, that I failed to rise up against an atrocity against my own ancestors. That I endorsed a battle cry against my own forefathers.

I disgusted myself. I felt like I was not one of my own. I felt like ‘the other’. Because if I was a Bangladeshi,not even a Hindu, I should not have endorsed such a mockery. I should take offense just like a Black American would because such a communal remark is against the very fabric of the secular nation that I love and admire.

I understood that it was my fault all along. and I am ready to change myself.

It is not okay to call me a ‘Malawun’ anymore. I will be really offended if someone calls me so even in a lighthearted conversation. Because several of my forefathers died because of this communal rant and I cannot continue to endorse it anymore. If someone is still to refer me in this hateful manner or to make any communal remark-I will be offended and I will discontinue any further relation with them and protest the remark to my highest ability. Because I just realized that I have some responsibilities that were passed down to me by my forefathers,and these are the responsibilities I cannot forsake and I will not forsake.

I will not forsake my identity anymore.